I saw you when you purchased those fireworks in New Hampshire. “You don’t have to do this,” I whispered.
I watched you begin to read material that was full of evil and hatred. I wished so badly that you didn’t fill your heart and mind with it all.
I saw you every time you bowed toward Mecca at the mosque. “I love you,” I whispered. But I don’t think you heard me.
I heard you tell your mother you felt like two people were living inside of you. I felt so much sadness because I wanted to rid you of that; I wanted you to live with my love and the power of my spirit.
I saw your beautiful daughter when she was conceived, and I saw the look on your face the moment she was born. I know how much you loved her. I wish you knew how much I loved you, your wife, and your daughter, too.
I knew of the thoughts you began to think in your mind — thoughts with such malicious intent. “You don’t have to do this,” I whispered. But I don’t think you heard me.
I saw you when you first mentioned your plans to your precious younger brother. “Please don’t drag him into this, he needs me now more than ever,” I said. You were both in such a dark place. But you didn’t hear me.
I saw you make those bombs in your apartment each day for months. I saw as you conspired to steal, kill, and destroy innocent people. But you are my child just as much as those people are, and I love you so much. Please don’t do this.
It’s not too late. I can still forgive you.
I saw you load the bombs into the backpacks, and when you hailed the cab to take you to Boylston Street. I tried to tell you not to do this, but you didn’t hear me. You got out of the cab and walked with a bomb on your back with your dear brother following your every step.
I watched as you detonated the bomb you placed on the street. I watched as you signaled to your brother to detonate his seconds later. You didn’t have to do this, but I knew the day I created the earth that you would do this, and that the days of Krystle, Martin, and Lu were so shortly numbered.
I saw you leave that scene with little emotion, while so many people were crying out to me for help. I knew that your days were also so shortly numbered.
I watched as you took another life of a man who wanted nothing more than to protect his people. That man was absent from his body and present with me the moment you pulled that trigger. He knew absolutely no pain and did not suffer.
It wasn’t too late after the bombs, and it’s still not too late. I will forgive you for what you’ve done. Please, just ask me. I don’t want to live without you. I want you to spend eternity with me.
Though you didn’t succeed in getting a second gun, I watched as you forced your way into the Mercedes holding a gun. Your precious younger brother followed in his car, and I wanted so bad for him to walk away, but he didn’t. I knew he wouldn’t, but I wish he had.
I heard the prayers from that man in the Mercedes as he talked to me silently as you dictated his every move. He was so scared, but he also knew to trust me. I heard your conversation, and I heard what you began to discuss with your younger brother in Russian. I allowed that man to escape unharmed and I knew that your moments left on this earth were coming to an end.
I was there when the police found you in Watertown.
I watched as you fired round after round and threw bomb after bomb at the law enforcement officers.
I was standing along side you when you ran out of ammunition. I walked slowly next to you as you proceeded to run toward the bullets raining from the guns of the police. I watched as you fell to the ground and I put my hand on your back. It was becoming harder for you to breathe, and you were struggling to regain your strength.
It’s still not too late. I love you. Please believe in me. I will forgive you if you just ask.
I saw your dear younger brother run into the bullet-filled Mercedes and hit the gas pedal. I held you as the police tried to pull you away from the path of the vehicle, but the car still hit you. Blue and red lights were flashing from the many police cars and you were fading as your brother escaped, wounded and so afraid.
I love you. I created you in my image. Please, please come home to me.
And then, as you drew your final breath, I watched your soul leave your body and then, you stood before me.
“Look! Look what I’ve done Allah! All for you! I did this for you! I got the people to realize they have to stop killing our people! Your people! I’ve succeeded.”
I shook my head and held up my hand.
“I’m sorry Tamerlan. You followed a God that was not Me. You did not believe in my Son, whom I created and sent to die for you. All you had to do was believe. And you didn’t.”
I looked at you as you started to cry, falling flat on your face at the feet of my son.
“I’m sorry Tamerlan. You rejected Me. You rejected my love. You rejected my son. Depart from Me. I never knew you.”