I find myself constantly dreaming of what I could do next. As mentioned before, I am a dreamer (particularly day dreamer) and am always anxious about what will be my next step in life. In just the few short months I’ve been writing this blog, I’ve wrestled with the idea of: moving to New York, moving to California, going to graduate school to get my master’s degree in Mass Communication, and now–the newest. And probably most scary of them all (not to mention what would turn me into the scariest version of myself; even scarier than becoming a New Yorker): law school.
Yes, I know it may appear that I wake up every morning with a new idea in my head of something that’s more unreachable than what I thought of the morning before, but really, this law school dream is totally legitimate–I promise. This was not a “I think I’ll go to law school today” thought in my head. Well, maybe it was, since I gave up on my dream of becoming a lawyer before I even started my undergraduate studies.
I’ve always had an interest in law. Not an obsession, but an interest. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been told so. many. times that I should be a lawyer. Or maybe it’s because those that know me best (ahem, family) say that I could argue with a stop sign if I really wanted to. (I always imagine myself standing at a fully inanimate stop sign screaming and arguing with it; it’s kind of a funny picture, maybe?!)
In other words, I know how to argue a point. Not to mention my already apparent strong-willedness that evidently appeared from the start of my conception. I’ve always thought I had a brain to “think like a lawyer” as quoted in Legally Blonde (but again, that could be my argumentative side). At the very least–law school seemed right, and it was absolutely the track I was going to take in college. Although I’m not a poly-sci kind of girl, I would have been the out numbered one in law school with the communication or fashion merchandising degree–kind of like this familiar person:
Okay, maybe not that extreme, but you get the picture. Not the usual political candidate for law school. But if I had the interest, the stimulation, the brain, and the LSAT scores, then what really would make me (or Elle Woods) different from everyone else? “Am I on glue here or did we both get into the same law school?”
So, things were on track for me to go to law school as of, my first day of my senior year of high school. Besides being completely and utterly freaked out beyond belief when I took a practice LSAT test in tenth grade while waiting for lacrosse practice to start, I still thought I’d give law school another chance. I mean, what’s a few LSAT practice questions circa 2003 have anything to do with my actual test taking in, at the latest, 2009? Hopefully not much. So, my happy self decided to take two electives senior year as part of my “staying academically challenged senior year to get into a certain school which I still resent and will not name” plan. The two electives were Law Studies and Court Procedures, taught by an ex-marine that everyone at my school loved, Mr.Garner. As I sat in the first semester Law Studies class, I began to realize a few things. I was already the out of place person. Forgive me, but unlike the rest of the class, I did not have every episode of Law and Order practically memorized and certainly could not tell one episode from the other. I didn’t have the patience to dissect every single detail of every little thing apart and try to argue it. And I came to realize, too, that there was so much law to learn. (I know that may seem like an obvious statement, but really, there is so much detail in the law!) I became weary of this class quickly, and just when I thought it was over, I had to start all over in the Court Procedures class, also could be called Law Studies 2. We did a mock trial, everyone was so into it. People were acting as if they were real lawyers, and I sat up front on the defense side wondering where these people learned all of this vernacular, because we certainly didn’t learn it in class. And how did they become so passionate about this fake case that was so obviously fictional and written by textbook authors? It was then I decided–no. way. was I going to do this for the rest of my life. So, my extremely scared-away-from-all-things-law self, pranced merrily into UCF with no direction in mind.
And law school was never spoken of again. The end.
Just kidding. Law school really was never spoken of until now. I realized last summer, when I felt like I was denied a position I was hired for shortly thereafter (assistant manager of a coffee shop, with a B.A., classy I know) because of my bitchy tendencies, perhaps, that I need a career where it’s okay to be a bitch. A career where, being a bitch can get me far. Where, it’s okay to be in a bad mood and be pissed off about something. Where, I can use my strong-willed nature to better myself and others. Where I can be a type-A personality and be surrounded by the same, not being ostracized for being this way. Did such a career even exist?! It seemed nearly impossible, especially having worked for three companies that are so customer service, non-bitchy based (Panera, Starbucks, and Nordstrom). Why yes, there was one career out there that almost praised bitchiness: a lawyer. How amazing would that be?!
So amazing, if only a few things weren’t standing in my way:
- Little to–okay, NO LSAT practice whatsoever. (Which could easily be fixed)
- Little to–okay, NO poly-sci, criminal justice, or even historical background. Communication degree, party of one.
- Little to–okay, NO money to pay for this.
- Little to–okay, wait. IN NO WAY is my undergrad GPA close enough to even be considered for law school.
- And, um, I’m not sure if I can deal with another three to four years of full-time school.
But if all that is overcome, somehow, even those that are concrete and unable to be changed beyond the shadow of doubt, maybe I can have the career I’ve always dreamed of as an adolescent. Or maybe I can just go back to sleep and dream some more and sound like I’m never content with where I am in life…